If you would have told me 7 months ago that the world was going turn upside down, I probably would have looked at you like you were crazy! But I guess the old saying was right when it said, you don’t think something is possible until it happens to you. Because of COVID-19, we’ve seen the very foundations of our normal way of living up heaved. Routines have been shattered, people have suffered through the loss of jobs, loss of community, loss of human interaction, and most devastatingly, loss of life. We’ve become more isolated than ever and our interactions are now confined to Zoom calls and video chats.
And can I be honest?
The last 7 months have been a serious struggle for me. Like so many others, I’ve had to adjust to this new sense of “normal”. And SO many changes have happened in the span of 7 months. My job in campus ministry has taken on a whole new way of doing things. I have dealt with multiple family crisis that shook the foundations of my family and caused extreme turmoil. From temporary living situations, to roommates moving out, from friends getting married and having babies, to friends moving away etc. And to top it all off, having to witness and experience the nationwide response of the unjust murders of Black men and women have all worn me down. Now don’t get me wrong; there have been moments of joy and celebration that I am grateful to have experienced. But in a lot of ways, this has been a season of grief, and my heart has been torn apart too many times to count. I am thankful to the Lord for all of the ways that He has blessed, and provided for me, but the continued losses and changes in life make me long for stability and for the normal that was once before.
But in many ways, that normal is gone.
And for that, I grieve…
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think our society does a very good job at grieving. We are given this short window of time to grieve a loss, but then are expected to “get over it”. You might have even heard people tell you “not to let your loss stop you from getting your work done”, or to “keep pushing and moving forward”, or my least favorite, “you should be more grateful because someone has it worse off than you.” Do any of these sound familiar?
I know I’ve heard them plenty of times. In fact, I’ve internalized them so much that I’ve even said them to myself.
But here’s the thing.
Someone is always going to have it worse than you. Someone will always have more losses than you have. But that doesn’t take away from the reality that you too have lost something that matters to you. Grief is not a competition, and it does more harm than good to compare your loss with someone else’s. If its hard for you to face the reality of your loss, its okay. If you feel like you’ve lost motivation for things that you normally enjoyed doing, that’s okay. If you’re still struggling to adjust to this new way of living with social distancing, teleworking, online homeschooling, and social isolation, that’s okay. If you are deeply grieving the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the loss of relationship and it feels hard even get through the day without deep sadness, worry, it. is. okay.
It’s okay to not be okay right now. We are still very much in the middle of a pandemic that has no end it sight. I don’t think you should be expected to be completely yourself right now.
There are days or whole weeks where I am up, down, and all over the place. I mean, its taken me 7 months to even find the will and desire to write again (as you can see, my last post was published in February). There are days when I cry, or I don’t feel like getting out of bed to work or interact with anyone which almost never used to happen pre COVID. Sometimes I get tired and frustrated. And there are some days where I just feel plain old numb, because processing all my feelings is just too overwhelming.
The thing with grief is that you don’t just “get over it”. You shouldn’t have to just “push through” your pain without taking the time to process what you’re feeling. Instead of “getting over it”, it should be, “you get through it.” That simply means that we learn how to process the loss, and learn how to continue living with this new reality. And the process of grief may last for a short time or, or it may take a very long time. There is no set formula, and no two people grieve the same way.
And you know what I think?
I think you are probably doing the best that you can right now.
If its already difficult trying to balance life, work, families, businesses, finances, school, relationships without a world wide pandemic; how much more difficult it is when our entire way of living has been turned upside down? And even if you don’t think you are doing the best you can right now and things seem completely overwhelming, I want to to let you know that God sees exactly what you are going through. And I am so encouraged to know that He does not turn us away or look at us in disgust in our grief, sadness, frustration, and all the other emotions we are experiencing right now. Instead, He invites us to bring all of what we are feeling and dealing with to Him. So bring your tired, weary soul to Jesus, and embrace the grace that He so freely gives to you. He is not expecting you to have it all together right now, but what He desires is for you to cling to Him. He can reach in the deep desolate places of your soul, the places that are even too painful for you to bring to light. And He promises to give you rest and restoration for your soul.
When I am feeling tired and overwhelmed, these particular verses in Psalm 23:1-3 have been coming to mind, and hopefully this will be a comfort to you.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.“
How might Jesus be leading you beside quiet waters and restoring your soul? And what might this passage look like practically? I think this is Jesus invitation for us to spend more time in His presence. This could look like, spending more time reading scripture, prayer, or journaling. Or maybe even getting out in nature to spend time with God while admiring the beauty of His creation! It can also look like engaging in some life-giving self-care practices. This could be getting back into a hobby that you enjoy such as painting, exercising, photography, baking, reading your favorite or a new book, or my favorite: napping!
What are some spiritual, and physical self-care activities that you can engage in?
Wherever you are in life right now, my deepest prayer is that you would find spaces to let God restore your tired souls.
